i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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