Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
