We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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