Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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