I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your penis caused this!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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