Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
pop tarts are not kleenex
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
