why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
