Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
