1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
