Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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