I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm bleeding and have questions
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
