just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
