i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
