Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
