We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
