If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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