we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
