Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
