i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
