My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
