Don't you send me to vm
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
