I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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