She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
