I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
