It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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