So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
