I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
