Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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