I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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