I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
