theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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