He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
