K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
