ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
