Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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