are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
