I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
