The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
