Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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