I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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