I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
