well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
