We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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