How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
