and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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