So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
