When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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