My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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