I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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