it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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