Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You're like the curious george of whores
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
